How to get over "The One"

In December of 2022 I ended my 6.5 year long relationship; it absolutely shattered my heart but I knew ultimately at the time it was the right decision. Moving on is hard and moving past the initial rose colored glasses phase of your breakup where you only can remember the good parts of the relationship is even harder. I found doing this list of items to help me get over the thought that my partner was “the one that got away”. If he really was the one, he wouldn’t have gotten away.

1. No Contact, trust me on this. It is easier said than done, but being in contact will just hurt even more over time. If they have social media, unfollow them. If you have them as a friend on Venmo, unadd them. Completely take them out of your life as if they never existed. If you choose to be friends with them later in life then you can add them back in slowly, but initially it’s best to not have any contact; it would just delay the healing process even further.

2. Make a list of all the things you did to contribute to the breakup. I know it sounds counterproductive to create a list of all the things you did wrong, but I found this incredibly healing. You had contributions to the relationship ending even if initially you dont think you did. We all could've been better lovers, listeners or partners. Look deep inside and it will help you to prepare for your next relationship.

3. Make a list of all the things they could’ve done and how they hurt you. This is where the true healing starts, but understanding what they did and why they are not fit to be your partner because of how they hurt you and did not even think twice about it.

4. Occupy yourself by doing things that make you happy. Go out and travel, workout, read a book, enjoy your family! Distracting yourself too much however will do more damage than help; leave time for feeling your feelings and intentionally being alone so you can heal.

5. Make a list of all the things you can do now that you’re single. There has to be things you can do now that you don't have te weight of the relationship on you. Make a list of all the things your excited to do by yourself or with your friends.

6. Forgive yourself for choosing their happiness over yours. This one is difficult and is one of the last steps for a reason, it is difficult to come to terms that you chose them over over you. Forgive yourself and promise to never do that again because no one is invested in your happiness as much as you are. Forgive yourself for allowing someone else to take over and have so much control over your life.

7. Forgive yourself for all the things you could’ve done differently. This one is the last step because it is the hardest to do. You can make lists, travel the world, or ignore your feelings; none of this will make you heal or happy until you forgive yourself for all the things you did wrong and the ways you could've been a better partner. Forgiving yourself is the last and most important step in healing. Dont just do it for yourself, but do it for the next partner you will have.