If this is your first holiday single..

If this is your first holiday newly single, this is for you. First and foremost, you're doing great and don't for a second think that reaching out to your ex and texting them 'Happy Thanksgiving' or 'Merry Christmas' etc. is a good idea. It's not. Read through this blog post instead and I promise it'll make you feel a little better. 

This is my first big holiday in six years without a partner and in my opinion, I am better off by myself. I found it incredibly difficult to balance seeing my partner's family and my family at the same time because of the type of relationship I was in. I was the person who wanted to be with my significant other even if that meant they only wanted to be with me if it was with their family. Instead of choosing someone else this year, I am choosing myself and my own happiness. I am choosing to spend the very limited time I have for the holiday, to spend it with those who mean the most to me and who have been here for me this whole year, my family. Of course it is easier said than done to be grateful and remind myself that I am full on my own, but try to be easy on yourself this holiday. Try to forgive yourself for choosing someone else's happiness over yours while you were in that relationship. Try to be patient with your emotions and step away if you need to or if you get overwhelmed.

Things that I remind myself to feel better:

1. Healing takes time

Healing is not linear and will never be. You have to mourn your relationship and what you thought it would be before you can fully heal. You have to forgive yourself for not healing in the amount of time you'd like to. Ultimately, you have to understand that you can't just snap your fingers and be over that person. If you still feel anger or sadness, that is okay and it is also okay if you don't feel anything at all. The important thing is to remember that things ended for a reason and you are better off single or without that person in your life. It isn't a reflection of you if your relationship ended poorly or if it ended peacefully; it is what it is, an ending of a chapter. Be excited and grateful for what's to come and for the you that will emerge from healing.

2. There is nothing wrong with being single

Tell you Aunt Karen and Grandma Carol that no, you don't need to 'settle down' in order to be a more full version of yourself. Yes it is nice to have a significant other, but the absence of one does not make you any less you than you were before. You don't need someone else to 'complete' you, you are perfectly complete on your own.

3. Better to be alone than with bad company

Whether or not your family loved them, it's hard to imagine yourself without your person at a family function. They could've been your security blanket, your Robin to your Batman or the opposite and didn't help you at all during the holidays. In the end, it is better to be alone and happy than it is to be with bad company. Things ended for a reason and just try and remind yourself of all the positives of going to a holiday function by yourself like being able to eat as much pie as possible or getting to have extra quality conversations with your siblings because all of your focus is on them rather than your significant other.

4. This time next year you could be a completely different version of you

Be hopeful and excited that a completely different version of you will be standing in the same place next year. This could be a great time for goal setting, look ahead and show yourself where you want to be mentally or physically next year. You have overcome so much and you are becoming the best version of yourself and who you are becoming will be so proud to look back next year and see that progress. Remember today and every day that you are stronger than you think and yes it may be difficult now, but storms don't last forever. 

5. Everything happens for a reason

At the end of the day, everything happens for a reason. If you left Chad or if Chad left you because he realized he could never be a good enough partner for you, you are better off by yourself. What is coming is far greater than what has passed and you can be grateful for this new season of life. I know it's hard to hear that everything happens for a reason when you are heartbroken, but I'm serious. Why would you want to spend your life with someone who can only love half of you when there is absolutely someone out there who would be willing to love you for the amazing person you are.

6. Lean on loved ones

Holidays don't only have to be about loving a significant other, they can be about loving your family and close friends. At the end of the day, it could be a very difficult day for you and that is why you can lean on those who support you and love you the most. Be honest with them about how you're feeling and let them know if you want to talk about your feelings or if you need a healthy distraction.