Reasons Why You Should Always Speak Up

Why is it as females when we speak up that we are asked a million questions instead of be told from others that it wasn't our fault and that everything will be okay? I am telling you now, everything will be okay and it will get better mentally if you speak up to someone trustworthy or the authorities.

I'm going to be honest and say that in some way, it is always going to hurt you mentally; you can of course go to therapy, work through your pain and emotions and it will make it 10 times better, I promise. But in some way it is something that always follows you around, sometimes popping up when a similar environments are repeated and triggers something inside of you. I went years without being able to walk into a movie theater and still now I don't let strangers hug me, always offering a handshake over any other type of introduction. This of course is never taken well, seen as cold, as a woman should always be willing to hug or being physically "open" to the opposite gender.

Trigger warning for sexual assault survivors(Scroll to **** if you want to skip)

When I was younger, I didn't know that something damaging had occurred to my 12 year old self until I was a teenager and learned in school that what happened was not okay and I was not a baby for crying and being afraid after it happened. I remember feeling so alone and thinking how embarrassed I was for not "enjoying" what was going on as he said I should've been happy, he was the popular kid and I was the nerdy band kid. I had a teacher that I told, and she reported him, but nothing came out of it because he was one of the "best kids in school". He eventually got removed from my class because everyone found out; he told everyone that we did things and I cried after and that I was a s*ut. It took me years to openly speak about what happened to my friends and family and I had to live with that alone. I wish I had taken the situation more seriously and not let myself get blackmailed for what happened.

When I was 21, working in a restaurant, I was on an off shift from my boyfriend at the time, just myself and one other male working in the restaurant. I had been warned before by other girls who worked there that this individual was "touchy" but never experienced it myself. I was at the computer screen entering the order from one of my tables and that other server came up behind me, put his arm around my neck and hips up against my bum and thought it would be a good idea to whisper inappropriate comments in my ear. After I reported him and called my boyfriend to come in because that happened, I still had to work with him for a year after. The issue wasn't that the violation was not enough to fire him, but the restaurant was so understaffed that they couldn't afford to let go of one of their best servers.

At my old job, everywhere I went, sexual comments and suggestions were made and when I brought it up, I was always responded with "Must be nice to have that much attention", from other male coworkers. Many of my female coworkers mentioned that it was because of the clothing I wore, yes the business casual turtlenecks and knee length dresses that certainly turned heads. No actually it's not okay; my worth is determined by more than what is in back and front of my hips. My worth is not determined by how many sexual stares I can get at the workplace and my worth is certainly not determined by someone who is such a coward and not accept when they are denied by a woman that they have to take physical and verbal advancements to the next level.

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I didn't deserve any of that and you don't deserve whatever happened to you either. If you aren't wanting to speak up, that's alright but there are far more long term benefits to speaking up then there are to keeping it in, I promise.

Here are some specific reasons why you should always speak up:

1. You never know who you could be advocating for If it's happening to you, sadly it's likely happening to others as well. Someone rarely does it only once and rarely only does it to one person so you never really know who you could be helping. Sometimes there are people who think "it's not that big of a deal". You have no idea how many other people you could be saving or speaking on behalf of if you don't speak up. Be brave, be bold, be honest.

2. The situation could get worse Once someone knows how to get what they want from you and say your negative reaction, these situations can start occurring more often with that individual. You don't want it to happen again and potentially be worse than it was in the first instance; trust me, it always gets worse if you don't stop it immediately.

3. The fear and stress of keeping it in is damaging Our bodies hold onto physical and emotional trauma in different ways, and can often grow into diseases or cause weight fluctuations because our body hasn't released the emotions. Don't let someone's else's horrible actions cause you to have long term permanent negative side effects.

4. You don't deserve to live life awkwardly and in silence It will hurt you more to keep it in than it will hurt them to keep doing it or live with that on their conscious. Staying quiet will cause you more pain than it will them.

5. The "attention" is inappropriate if its unwanted If you say no and someone still makes advancements towards you, that is harassment and it is unwarranted. Don't let anyone convince you that you are lucky to have that type of attention, especially if it's at work and makes you uncomfortable.

6. They don't deserve to not be held accountable for their actions Why should you be uncomfortable? Why should you make yourself small for someone else? They don't deserve any right to be walking freely and happily knowing that you will have lasting permanent memories and have to deal with that for the rest of your life. They deserve the consequences of their actions.