Top Lessons I Wish I Knew at 21: Insights from a 26 Year Old

When I was 21, I thought I would be married by 26 or at least engaged. I saw myself with my college boyfriend for the rest of my life; years of getting together and breaking up, months of questioning if I was making the right decisions by getting back together every time. I wish I could give 21 year old me a hug and tell her everything is going to work out the way it’s intended to and to maybe have a little more fun without a relationship. I was so focused on my future when I was younger than I didn’t stop to look around at the people I had around me. When i was 21, I was convinced I wasn’t brave enough to move out of California by myself, that I needed someone else to move with me in order to make it happen. Then at 22, I moved by myself, I made it happen. When I was 23, I was convinced I was going to get engaged that year, assuming every trip with my significant other was “the one trip” when in fact none of them were. I put a lot of pressure onto myself to appear happier than I actually was. When I was 23, I discovered the importance of female friendships and learned that not every female would stab me in the back.

When I was 24, I found the courage to leave a relationship with someone I thought I would marry simply because they did not choose me; so instead I chose myself and walked away. I had this idea in my head when I was 18 that by 25 I would be engaged, by 27 I would be married and by 29 I would have my first child. I had this notion that I would live on the East Coast with someone who didn’t even want to leave their county. I thought if I was perfect then that would convince them to join me and move with me, but years of telling myself that created resentment towards not only him, but myself. I felt like when he ultimately didn’t want to move, that I was the problem, that I wasn’t enough for him to want to to move. I wish I could hug 24 year old me and tell her that she has always been and will always be enough for the right person.  At 25, I decided I was no longer growing in the environment I was in and at 26 I decided to move again by myself to Seattle. There’s a lot I would tell younger me, but more importantly I would tell her that I am proud of all that she has accomplished in such a short amount of time.

Here is a list of things I wish I could tell 21 year old Mariah:

• Fitting in is overrated; focus on yourself

• Not all friends are going to hurt you.

• Home is a feeling, not a place

• Happiness is a choice you have to make every day

• Your situationship’s not worth the stress, trust me

• Be nicer to your parents, they are growing up for the first time too

• Just because people are good people, doesn’t mean that they belong in your life

• Book the trip, ask questions later

• Focus on yourself before you focus on a relationship

• Your network is tied to your net worth

• You never know who your boss will be someday, so treat everyone with kindness

• Try not to be so tunnel visioned with things you see as “perfect”

• You don’t need a treat every time you leave the house

• Don’t compromise on your goals in order to live out someone else’s dreams